Shoot 10 - Distortion - Work Record

Date: 14/04/16

Plans for shoot:
In this shoot I will take normal portrait pictures and I will edit them in photoshop and then print them out and use various physical experiments on the best ones. These experiments I will try and do so they distort the portraits to develop my theme of how mental illness causes the people suffering to loose insight on who they are, hence a distorted view of their identity.

What I wish to achieve:
I wish to get pictures that I can effectively manipulate in various ways to distort the models face.

What I actually achieved:
I completed three physical experiments and therefore three straight images, all of which were black and white portraits of a friend of mine.
This one shows how I have printed one image and then I printed off another portrait but bigger and more zoomed in on her face. I then tore up two sections of the larger portrait and stuck them onto the original picture. I like how this adds a more disjointed effect to the picture as it separates areas of her face out. I also like the ripped effect of the added on areas as it makes it look quite messy and rough which reflects the mental illness in a subtle way; as sufferers feel as if their mind is being ripped apart.

Shoot 9 - Hiding - Straight Images

Shoot 9 - Hiding - Contact Sheet

Shoot 9 - Hiding - Work Record

Date: 14/04/16

Plans for shoot:
In this shoot, I am going to combine the idea of lost identity with hiding all relating to my mental illness theme for my exam. I have chosen to do this because I have previously done a hiding shoot and I was pleased with my results and I also think the message and connotations that these pictures have relate a lot to this theme. I will shoot someone hiding areas of their face and body behind various things like their hair, hands, curtains and stairs.

What I wish to achieve:
I wish to get pictures that are better than the ones I did in my previous hiding shoot to show a development. I want these pictures to show connotations of how people with anxiety and depression feel so alone and lost of themselves that they feel hidden and detached from the rest of the world. This is related to how many people wouldn't be able to recognise these illness' because they are mental rather than physical, so people often overlook the consequences, so the people suffering would often feel like no one understands.

What I actually achieved:
I got various pictures all of which show the model hiding herself in different ways. The ways I think worked best were the ones where she was hiding behind her hands and behind a curtain. I edited my straight images and made them all black and white because my research on mental illness photography shows how many photographers work only in black and white. In my opinion, this helps build a strong representation of how sufferers feel drained of life and happiness and a lot of brightly coloured pictures often connate with happy emotions. I was pleased with how they looked in black and white and I think they I will stay with this idea and do my exam shoots and last shoot in black and white.

I liked this picture because I think as well as it shows her 'hiding' which was the theme of this shoot, I think it also shows entrapment; the idea that sufferers feel like they cannot escape their own mind. Furthermore, I like the dark tones that overpower the models body making her look more like a silhouette, this to me, adds a bit of surrealism to the picture as we cannot see a lot of her, just an outline. I also like the tonal differenced in the pattern on the curtain, how the right side is very highlighted then gradually gets darker. I think this makes the pattern stand out quite a lot which I think has a nice effect against her body as it shows clearly that she is behind it.

I think the best part of this picture is how I have used the focus to only catch her eye and the left side of the picture is very blurred. I emphasised this effect using the tilt shift in photoshop. I think this has drawn all the attention to her eye. Her eye to me, is what stands out the most in this picture as it is the only part of her face that isn't hidden. This adds personality as the eyes are seen to show an insight into the soul and character. So by being able to look into her eyes, its almost like we have an insight into her suffering.


What I am going to do next:
For my last shoot, I am going to try some physical experiments, so I will take some portraits and then try different techniques to manipulate them.

Shoot 8 - Unrecognizable - Straight Images

Shoot 8 - Unrecognizable - Contact Sheet

Shoot 8 - Unrecognizable - Word Record

Date: 12/04/16

Plans for shoot:
In this shoot I will take pictures of someone in front of a blank wall. I will take them from different heights and zooming in, in different ways, but they will all be taken from the front and straight on. I will then liquify their face with the warp tool but I will vary each picture in the way I do this.

What I wish to achieve:
I hope to get some pictures that show subtly my inspiration from Edward Honaker's depression photography. To support my whole theme of loosing identity in yourself. I also want the pictures to have connotations of the mess and craziness that goes on inside a sufferers head that we can't see. Almost like a visual representation.

What I actually achieved:

This is one of my edited pictures from the shoot, I really like how it turned out and I like the way I have liquified it. I tried this tool in photoshop in various ways, pulling her face out to different angles but I think this one worked best. I also like the tonal contrast in this picture, which I have further defined by making it black and white. I think this picture has achieved the connotations of showing visually, the distortion and mess that sufferers thoughts turn to when they go through these mental illnesses. I think this is an important conceptual message behind the picture because many people, who haven't been through these mental illnesses, have difficulty understanding the impact they have on ones mind, this is because it is more difficult to comprehend when symptoms cannot be seen. Furthermore, I have found that in a lot of my photographer research, many depression and anxiety photographers have been through, or have known someone to have been through it, they therefore have a very good understanding of the implications of mental illness, they can then created good pictures because they are very real and truthful.

What I am going to do next:
To expand and develop my theme of losing identity I will do a shoot based on the idea of hiding and how people with mental illness feel hidden from the rest of the world including their friends and family as they feel like they are loosing who they are. I have already done one shoot on the idea of hiding and I like the way some of the images turned out and I think they show a very conceptual message behind them. Some of my straight images from this shoot have inspired me to develop and the idea of hiding.

Shoot 7 - Lost Identity - Straight Images

Shoot 7 - Lost Identity - Contact Sheet

Shoot 7 - Lost Identity - Work Record

Date: 11/04/16

Plans for shoot:
In this shoot for 'Lost Identity', I will shoot a friend of mine specifically looking into mirrors. I will focus on the liquify filter on photoshop to blur and distort the reflection of her to represent my idea and theme of this shoot.

What I wish to achieve:
I wish to portray the emotional and mental issue that anxiety and depression causes of the sufferer feeling lost and detached from themselves. I will try and do this, by blurring and masking their face in photoshop, to create the connotation that when they look at themselves in the mirror, they don't see themselves anymore. This idea was inspired by my Edward Honaker research.

What I actually achieved:
I managed to take various pictures of someone looking into mirrors at different angles, then in photoshop I used the blur and patch tool to make her facial features blend with her skin tone to have the appearance that they aren't there.

 The denotations of this picture is a girl sitting on her bed, looking down into a mirror, and I have completely for rid go her facial features. I liked how it looks very casual in a sense that she is wearing normal clothes and just sitting on her bed, I think this makes the scenario look natural rather than very set up. This could show the connotations of how it's in everyday life and situations where they feel lost from themselves, even when everything around them is normal, they're mentality is affecting who they are. I found it quite difficult to photoshop her reflection in a way that looked like natural skin tone that all fades together nicely. But I used the patch tool continuously until I was happy with the result. I also like the focus of the picture and how it is shifted to the mirror so her hair is out of focus.

I liked this picture because of how she is looking into the camera through the mirror. I think this adds a lot of personality because to the person looking at the picture it looks like she is looking into us. I blurred out her nose and mouth but left her eyes to add the powerful, personal aspect. I also like how she is touching the mirror. I think this has the connotation of her reaching out to herself in an attempt to try and find herself again. I also like this mirror the most out of the three mirrors I used because of the frame it has and the rustic and old fashioned look this gives to the picture.


What I am going to do next:
Next I am going to try representing the same idea of lost identity but through a different way. I will take multiple, plain portrait pictures in front of a plain background and manipulate them in photoshop to liquify their face to make it unrecognisable as them and very abstract. This idea was inspired by Edward Honaker, I also touched on this idea in a previous shoot and I think it worked really well so now I will develop that idea and try and improve on it.

Computer Experiments

Tilt-shift

Filter


Liquify


Selective colour

















Inverse


Hue

Connecting Essay's

1)
My picture:


Edward Honaker:




















Both these pictures have similar denotations of a black and white close up portrait. They have also both been liquified in photoshop to manipulate the face. The connotations are also very similar as I am looking at capturing anxiety and Edward was doing self portraits that represent anxiety and depression. This manipulation of the face portrays an inner confusion and blur that sufferers have and it makes them unrecognisable. Edward took a portfolio of pictures that all represent that idea. I could have made mine even more similar to his by manipulating her whole face rather than just half. I am very inspired by Edward Honaker as I researched him and the picture above I think is very powerful, so I might try and re create this picture but manipulate the whole face to make it even more similar.

2)
My picture:


Benoit Courti:




















Both these pictures show a black and white portrait of a girl who is using her hands to cover her face. I think a similarity is how both of them are looking into the camera and we can clearly see their eyes but not their facial expression. This gives quite a mysterious connotation. However, a difference is that my picture has been taken from much further away whereas Courti has taken a close up and I like the impact that has, as it makes us focus into her eyes a lot more and I think eyes are the most important factor of portraits as they show quite a lot of emotion.

3)
My picture:




















Edward Honaker:




















My picture, was inspired by the picture by Honaker as I really liked how it was such a minimalistic idea but portrayed such a deep emotion and state. Both pictures show someone looking into a mirror but the actual person is not in the picture, just there refection. The face has been removed from the picture. They are both in black and white. Also the connotations are similar as they both represent feeling lost of identity. I could have made mine even more similar to his by getting the whole frame of the mirror in the picture rather than just a section of it.

4)
My picture:


BrokenLightCollective.com contributor Teija:


Both of these pictures show a girl hiding her entire face with her hands, besides one of her eyes. They therefore both show a lot of character and personality because eyes give us an insight to their mood and characteristic, so when only the eye can be seen, all of our focus goes to that. They are also both in black and white. A difference is that my picture has more use of highlighted tones and the photographer picture shows more use of negative space in the form of darkness. This is shown in the background of the pictures.

5)
My picture:


Laura Hospes:


Both of these pictures show a black and white portrait of a girl who is hiding half of her face with just her hair. They have very similar expressions on their face that portray distress, tiredness and suffering. I like Laura Hospes' portrait more because of the use of the dark tones in the picture, this creates really defined and effective contours on her face. I could have made mine more like that by editing the tones and curves in the picture to increase the intensity of the dark shadows on her face.

Definitions Post

Documentary Photography:
Documentary photography usually refers to a popular form of photography used to chronicle both significant and relevant to history and historical events and everyday life. It is typically covered in professional photojournalism, or real life reportage, but it may also be an amateur, artistic, or academic pursuit.
My definition:
I think documentary photography is all about the photographer capturing the model in their natural setting. It shows the viewers an insight into the situation and the person/people, making it a very real, natural and not artificial picture that is somewhat relate-able or understandable to the viewer.


Conceptual Photography:
Conceptual photography is a type of photography that illustrates an idea. There have been illustrative photographs made since the medium's invention, for example in the earliest staged photographs, such as Hippolyte Bayard's .  
My definition:
In my opinion, this form of photography is very powerful and shows a lot of deep emotion and feeling, as in most examples, the idea behind the picture is a serious or upsetting topic. To me, conceptual photography is hugely based around connotations.



Emotion:
a strong feeling deriving from one's circumstances, mood, or relationships with others.
My definition:
An innate and helpless range of feelings that determine our inner thought and feelings.

Anxiety:
Anxiety disorders are a category of mental disorders characterized by feelings of anxiety and fear, where anxiety is a worry about future events and fear is a reaction to current events. These feelings may cause physical symptoms, such as a racing heart and shakiness.
My definition:
Having anxiety causes constant nervousness to the individual coming from continuous over thinking about every day things. This disrupts the sufferers life style and identity.

Mental Illness:
A condition which causes serious disorder in a person's behavior or thinking.

Personal:
belonging to or affecting a particular person rather than anyone else.
of or concerning one's private life, relationships, and emotions rather than one's career or public life.

Opinions:
a view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.

Photographer Research - Edward Honaker Research

Edward Honaker is a 21 year old photographer from California. Not long ago he was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. He documented this period of life and his inner struggles that he was going through, through his photography work. He wanted to do this to raise awareness of mental illnesses for those going through the same thing. All of the pictures are in black and white, this portrays the emptiness and dissatisfaction that these illnesses can leave you with. Here are some examples of pictures from that collection:

Skin and bones: This haunting image highlights Edward's spine as he poses next to a wilted flower. I like the way how we can see his bare back, he has put himself in  that vulnerable position, to reflect how his mind is very vulnerable to manipulation through depression and anxiety. I think the dying flower could also represent the decay of his mind and freedom as depression is such an overwhelming and consuming mental illness, it drains ones individuality.























Blending into the background: Edward's face is blurred or covered in all of the haunting black and white photos, which are meant to portray the helplessness felt by someone who is battling mental illness.

I am personally very  inspired by this picture because it is very powerful, yet easy to achieve simply with a sheer sheet. I like how his hand is pressed up against the sheet, I think that suggests that he is reaching out and he wants to be with everyone else and wants to be free from his own mind, but there is always something in his way.






















Where did he go: In Sad Ailment / Mental Disease, the photographer is looking in the mirror, but his reflection is blurred. 

I think this picture is quite clever because of how it has the connotations of someone not even recognising themselves anymore. It shows how depression and anxiety can ruin someones personality and change them completely, you slowly won't be able to find yourself anymore. This picture would also be quite simple to re create with a slow F-stop to capture the movement flow of the person.






















Looking for help: Edward blurred his face in this powerful photograph, which is entitled Any Exit / Anxiety

Edward's face is blurred or covered in all of the haunting black and white photos, which are meant to portray the helplessness felt by someone who is battling a depressive disorder. 

'All I knew is that I became bad at the things I used to be good at, and I didn't know why,' Edward recalled of the time before his diagnosis. 

'Your mind is who you are, and when it doesn't work properly, it's scary,' he noted. 

Shoot 6 - Difference - Work Record

Date: 22/03/16

Plans for shoot:
In my previous shoots on anxiety, I have only represented the illness rather than the actual person aswell. So in this shoot I am going to use makeup on half of her face to represent the anxiety and the other half will be just her as she naturally is. I will also draw a line in eyeliner down her face to make the half and half idea very clear.

What I wish to achieve:
I want to get pictures that portray a sense of difference between the person and their illness. I want the pictures to show a sort of captivating beauty that is in the natural half. But I want there to still be the sorrow in her expression, to show how its overpowering her identity.

What I actually achieved:

I wanted this picture, to very clearly show the difference, almost like she is going through an inner battle so her anxieties don't take over who she is. I used the liquify tool in photoshop to distort one half of her face to make it so abstract and quite surreal. I also like the way on the 'normal' side of her face, her expression is very minimalistic and dead pan, however her eye is very captivating I think and I think I have captured a sense of inner pain and suffering from her.

This picture shows clearly how I used the makeup  on her. I have put red smudged lip stick on her and black eyeliner smudged down her face. I also dripped water down on from her eye to make the black eye makeup smudge to make it look like she has been crying. This also shows the purity of the other side of her side to capture that contrast. I kept this image in colour so we could still see the red smudges and see the effect that the black has.




What I am going to do next:
I have found that a common thread in my anxiety shoots has been the idea of identity. So in my next shoots, I will focus and develop on that theme. My next shoot will be named 'Lost identity' and I will try and capture pictures that show how sufferers, feel like they are loosing themselves. When I researched Edward Honaker's depression work, it inspired this idea of identity and I may try and take some pictures in his style.